Sorry, I think its stopped now

I hate myself. Actually despise myself. I want to die. I cut today and yesterday because I am actually disgusted with my body. My boyfriend said in the shower today ‘your boobs stick out further than your stomach at least that’s good’…I wanted to cry. Just the fact that he was looking at my stomach. I don’t deserve him. I want to cut every inch of my skin to ribbons, because I’m disgusting and I deserve it.

Really want to do something that I haven’t done in ages and that I shouldn’t do :(

That’s what we find so hard to accept.

Casually sitting in bed, awake at half 4 in the morning thinking about how much I hate myself and how much weight I need to lose and researching celebrity slim diet pills to make me lose weight, yup.

Someone come and love me. I feel shit and I have a shift at work tomorrow but I also have an appointment at the primary care mental health so I erm, dunno what to do to be quite honest. I’m at work at 8 too so I don’t even know when I could ring to cancel the appointment…

Got an emergency referral tomorrow afternoon to primary care mental health because I’m suicidal and it’s ruining my life. Joys :(